After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
