My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
