I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
