brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
