Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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