we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
