found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
