I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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