I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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