I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
