so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
