U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
