the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
