I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
