Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
