census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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