watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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