i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
only you would photoshop your dick
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
