The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
