$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
