I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize