Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
