last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
