im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
