its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
