The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
