pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
