Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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