Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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