when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
only if we run a train.
done.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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