she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
