I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
