we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
