hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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