And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
