Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
