never play flip cup with pint glasses
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
