I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
