So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
