I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
