if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
