I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize