Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
