I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
