some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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