in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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