Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
