this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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