Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I cockslap morals
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
