Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
