what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We had to coat check the pizza.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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