Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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