Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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