We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
