just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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