dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I deserve this hangover.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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