oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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