What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
