Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize