Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
