Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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