This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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