I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Houston, we have a squirter
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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