Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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