so that wasnt chicken after all
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
