Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
