I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
