She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
