let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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