the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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