thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
