No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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