i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
