What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
