i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
